I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
