oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize