is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
