I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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