it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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