So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You made out with two different species that night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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