after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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