I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
