moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
