I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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