I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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