don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
