I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize