We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
