i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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