Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize