people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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