just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
