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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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