If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
