his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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