we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
