ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
