You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
