Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
