i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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