my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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