and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
how drunk are you?
Several
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize