i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
