Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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