Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
