you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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