That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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