what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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