I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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