Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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