dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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