I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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