I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize