The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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