And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
