Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
