Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
