then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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