Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
