I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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