Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So many bounce houses so little time
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
