My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize