xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
