i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
