True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
