He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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