You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize