I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
