my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
