my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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