nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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