on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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