Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
