I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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