thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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