i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
