I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
