just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
