hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
