Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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