Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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