The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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