you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
